You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
