my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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