Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
