Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
