dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
