Where did you get a picture of my penis
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize