I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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