im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize