Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
what day is it and did you see me today?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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