oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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