Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
