but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
