There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
