Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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