i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
