just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
