Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
