dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
