First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
