she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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