SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
