see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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