There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
