I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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