i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize