please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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