Betty ford says i'm here all night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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