I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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