Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
