Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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