I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
