I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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