ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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