I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
