just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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