If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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