I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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