Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's shark week go big or go home
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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