Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
