I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
