She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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