My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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