i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
