someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
