It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
