If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
