So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
