it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We need to get me chipped asap
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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