I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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