My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
