i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
