Kareoke will never be a sober sport
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
