i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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