Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize