One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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