I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
