Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
