One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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