Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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