remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
