Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
