he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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