I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
