everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
